


Harsh

by heauregard



Series: Soft/Harsh [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 10:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16061663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heauregard/pseuds/heauregard
Summary: Part 2 of Soft. I decided I wanted a happy ending.





	Harsh

Dean knows how awful of a boyfriend he is.

He knows that his outbursts hurt those around him, especially his emotionally drained boyfriend. He called his brother a damaged freak the day he left for college, the day he left Dean alone with John. He called John a poor excuse of a father, always chasing a woman that left him, that left all of them, at the man's own birthday party. He called his mom an invisible excuse for his father to beat him when he greeted her twenty four years after she abandoned him.

He called Cas a nuisance. He called Cas a burden. He called Cas too hard to love. 

A woman in blue scrubs wakes him from his trance, and he stands up immediately from the chair in the waiting room, ignoring the metal legs scraping on the floor from the action. He rushed over to her, opening his mouth to speak when a man at least a head shorter than him spoke up from beside him. When did he get there? He must have been a quiet walker.

“How is he?” the man with the caramel blond hair asked, a slight lisp in his voice.

The nurse glanced between the two briefly before speaking.

“We pumped his stomach, he's okay. He shouldn't be, technically, but he is. Someone must have been praying, because those pills should have been digested by now.”

Dean closed his eyes, a sigh sending shudders through his body. The nurse led them down a long hall to Castiel's room, a small white one he ended up having to share with one other man. Luckily, the man was sleeping, and apparently so was Castiel. Dean neared the bed closest to the windows overlooking the parking lot and swallowed thickly at the sight of his boyfriend looking weak and defeated in the bed.

The smaller man took the only chair beside the bed, throwing Dean an angry glance over his shoulder. Gabriel, it had to have been the little ball of condensed anger that Cas described as his brother. Dean stood on the other side of the bed, a few feet away so that the brunet wouldn't wake up to a towering man over him. Gabriel shook his younger brother's arm slightly, letting out a happy choked sound when the other let out a tired moan and opened his eyes.

Dean's knees felt weak.

Castiel noticed Dean's presence after greeting Gabriel, and his eyes glistened like the Pacific ocean, fresh tears spilling over and falling down his temples. Gabriel adjusted the bed so he could sit up straighter and they talked for a while. Dean lingered a few feet away, letting then have their time. Cas needed someone he could trust.

Gabriel left to use the bathroom with reluctance, and Dean took his seat with a careful grunt. He looked at Castiel, feeling so unworthy of being in his presence. They were both silent for a long time, his lover's crystalline blue eyes roaming over his face. Dean hadn't slept since he noticed the empty pill bottle on the floor and called 911, panicked. There were bags beneath his eyes and his cheeks were red and patchy from crying.

“Can I hold your hand?” he asked softly, willing to understand if Cas denied his request.

But he didn't. Dean interlaced their fingers and kissed the back of his lover's soft hand a million times, sighing shakily. 

“Lov….loving you...has been the best part of my life,” he mumbled quietly. “It's easy to love you. You watch the bees in the Spring and...and you smile and talk to the birds and stray cats like...like you're a...freakin’ Disney princess or something.”

Castiel watched him with glassy eyes, each blink sending a new tear down his cheek.

“Loving you is easy because you devote your life to trying to make me happy, to make everyone happy. Everyone loves you, it's impossible to not love you, Cas. I was wrong. I was angry and...and whenever I think about anything stressful, I become more of an asshole than I already am. The easiest thing in my entire life is loving you, and the hardest is thinking about losing you, just thinking about it.”

Castiel wanted to turn his face away to cry, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the single tear falling down Dean's freckled cheek.

“You deserve better than someone who puts you down, and I deserve to be alone if that's how I treat people who do nothing but...take care of me...but if you're willing to...give me another chance,” he looked up from where his gaze had shifted downwards, “I promise that I won't fuck it up again. If I ever do, in any way, you can punch me in my stupid ass face.”

Castiel's lips twitched into the tiniest smile and he bit his bottom lip for a split second before speaking.

“I don't want to hurt you.”

Dean chuckled sadly. “I know. I know, it was a joke, but not really. If you won't punch me, Gabriel can.”

“Sounds like a plan, you Ken doll lookin’ ass bitch,” Gabriel interjected from the doorway, two cups in hand. “Lucky for you Cas, they had flavored tea. Hazelnut.”

Castiel sat up a bit straighter, and Dean summed he'd let go of his hand. He didn't. He used his free hand to take the cup, sipping it carefully and blinking to stop anymore tears from falling. Dean caressed the back of his lover's hand carefully, pressing soft kisses to it.

  
He wouldn't fuck up again. Loving Cas was the easiest thing in the world, he'd have to be evolution in reverse to fuck up again.


End file.
